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Introduction

This page is for miscellaneous items as they come along.

Go Johnny Go Go Go Go!

The fictitious card game Go Johnny Go Go Go Go! was invented by the terrifying comedy group The League of Gentlemen for one of their ongoing sketches for British TV. I find the rest of their humour very black but my wife is tougher than I and is a big fan as is her sister.

The joke is a situation experienced by us all at some time or another where someone with no knowledge of a card game begins to play it with others who know it very well and for whom the rules are blindingly obvious. The beginner is bemused and the experts exasperated.

From the video of The League Of Gentlemen Live At Drury Lane, I have gleaned the following about how to play the game.

Rules:

1. It is a cross between Hoover and 8 Men Down. (Not very useful information as these are also fictitious games).
2. It is played with a French Deck which is one from which the Queens have been removed.
3. The number of players is not specified however it can be played with three.
4. In your first hand you are dealt 9 cards, in the second you are dealt 7 cards.
5. The winner is the person with the most tricks after 15 hands.
6. One-eyed Jacks and Twos are wild cards.
7. You can't lead a 5 as that would make the game Bamalama-Fizz-Vaj (needless to say also a fictitious game).
8. You can't play a 5 unless you have pairs and show them.
9. Play goes in sequence unless you can match a pair or play in ascending or descending order. If the latter then it's a Go Johnny Go Go Go Go when you must put all your cards on the table, stand up and shout "Go Johnny Go Go Go Go!".
10. After you play a card you can knock on the card-table, for an unexplained reason.

Scoring:

1. Jacks are worth 10, except for one-eyed Jacks.
2. Kings are worth 3.
3. Diamonds retain their face value, except for the King.

Phew ... makes Bridge seem easy. Actually the rules are somewhat simpler than those of the Swiss national card-game Jass that I try to learn periodically.