Anonymous

  • If you must go down, please get on with it.
  • Two-way finesse rule one: procrastinate.
  • Count your winners and count your losers. If they add up to 14, count your cards.
  • The meek shall inherit the earth, but not the bonus points.
  • When in deep trouble, take a deep finesse.
  • Misplay early, that way, you have more time to catch up.
  • If you haven't found the best line of play by trick 10, try divine guidance.
  • To finesse is human, to win is - divine.
  • If your doubles are all successful, you are not doubling enough or your tables are too close together in a duplicate game.
  • The hallmark of an expert is to be wrong for the most sophisticated of reasons.
  • If I ever marry a bridge player, it will be on impulse, as a man shoots himself.
  • Assumption's the mother of all blown contracts.
  • It's not the skill that drops off with age, it's the drive, the killer instinct and when a man isn't primed to kill he makes mistakes.
  • Bridge is a great comfort in your old age. It also helps you get there faster.
  • South: Alert! East: Yes? South: I'm requested to further misdescribe my hand.
  • The difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits.
  • We had a partnership misunderstanding. My partner assumed I knew what I was doing.
  • My partner is 20 years behind the times. Nowadays you pay your money to bid. My partner still thinks you need cards.
  • Your play was much better tonight, and so were your excuses.
  • We play forcing hesitations.
  • I'd like a review of the bidding with all the original inflections.

Cited

  • It's not enough to win the tricks that belong to you. Try also for some that belong to the opponents. Alfred Sheinwold
  • The real test of a Bridge player isn't in keeping out of trouble, but in escaping once he's in. Alfred Sheinwold
  • We believe that contract is particularly attractive to people with a scrappy disposition. Frank Perkins
  • One gets use to abuse. It's waiting for it that is so trying. Rueful Rabbit
  • Since the average person's small supply of politeness must last him all his life, he can't afford to waste it on bridge partners. Alfred Sheinwold
  • Bridge is essentially a social game, but unfortunately it attracts a substantial number of antisocial people. Alan Truscott
  • One advantage of bad bidding is that you get practice at playing atrocious contracts. Alfred Sheinwold
  • Where's the hand you held during the auction? A comment Jan Janitschke has made when dummy hits.
  • It is not the handling of difficult hands that makes the winning player. There aren't enough of them. It is the ability to avoid messing up the easy ones. SJ Simon
  • Most bridge players prefer consistency in their partners rather than brilliance. Matthew Granovetter
  • The sum of all technical knowledge cannot make a master contract player. Ely Culbertson
  • A knowledge of the mechanics will suffice to put a player in a commanding position in the post-mortem. To become a member of the upper crust calls for more, much more. Resilience, imagination, occasional flashes of inspiration, these are the hallmarks of quality. And this transcends the realm of science. Victor Mollo
  • Card sense is when it's technically right to do something, the little man that sits on my shoulder or anyone else's shoulder says, "Don't do that." and you say to yourself, "Well, wait a minute, that's the right way to play." And he says, "Yeah, but you don't wanna play that way." That instinct is card sense. It's almost an ability to feel where the cards are. It's something that you can't buy, you can't find; you're born with. The ability to do the right thing at the wrong time or really to do the wrong thing at the right time. Barry Crane
  • I'm not sure whether glory or masterpoints is first on the list, but I know learning to play better is definitely last. Eddie Kantar
  • The average defender operates in a fog of uncertainty. Hugh Kelsey
  • Regardless of what sadistic impulses we may harbor, winning bridge means helping partner avoid mistakes. Frank Stewart
  • A player who can't defend accurately should try to be declarer. Alfred Sheinwold
  • The real secret of the expert is to make logic seem like flair. Hugh Kelsey
  • If you play bridge with your wife as partner, you need at least 20 points to open, and it wouldn't hurt to have 25. Joe James
  • Learn from the mistakes of others. You won't live long enough to make them all yourself. Alfred Sheinwold
  • I favor light opening bids. When you're my age, you're never sure they're going to get back to you in time. Oswald Jacoby at 77
  • Years ago there were only two acceptable excuses for not leading the suit your partner had opened; having no cards in the suit, and sudden death. Alfred Sheinwold
  • A fellow had made a bad bid and gone for 1400. "I'm sorry," he said to his partner, "I had a card misplaced." Asked his partner innocently, "Only one card?" Charles Goren
  • When I take a 50-50 chance I expect it to come off 8 or 9 times out of 10. Hideous Hog

Some Amusing Terms and Expressions

  • Aces and Spaces: A description of a top-heavy hand i.e. has Aces but not much else.
  • Chinese Finesse: An attempt to win a trick by leading an unsupported honour.
  • Don't Send Little Boys on Messages: Remark made by person who over-ruffs. At least in my family anyway - I haven't heard it elsewhere.
  • Get the Kiddies Off The Street: (known in the UK as Bridge players sleeping on the Embankment) Means to draw trumps. Originates from the following quip: 'It has been computed that eleven thousand young Englishmen, once heirs to fair fortunes are wandering around the Continent in a state of utter destitution, because they would not lead trumps with five and an honour in their hands' Clay quoted by "Cavendish" in Card Essays, Clay's Decisions and Card-Table Talk, 1879, page 165.
  • Made in the Shade: Said after a contract scrapes through when accurate defence would have sunk it. Compare with 'One Down Good Bridge' below.
  • Not Through the Iron Duke: Said when splitting touching honours to avoid a finesse. A comment for fun games only, and not allowed competitive ones.
  • One Down Good Bridge: Remark meant to console declarer when contract fails by one trick. Reasoning not clear unless it means that the contract was right to be 'on the edge' since if the opponents had not played perfectly declarer would have got a top.
  • Rabbi's Rule: When the King is a singleton, then play the Ace (joke).
  • Seat of Sin: The third seat, since when the player there opens after two Passes she or he may be light. (The favourite seat of 'L' by the way.)

Thanks to 'L' and Allan Lewis (a.k.a. lioncub) for the anonymous and cited sayings above.