Cruel and Unusual Talk

I had a new partner who seemed a bit erratic in bids and play. But I soldiered on. Then came a hand where he bid 1 and then rebid 2, which is the reverse of the normal order and is used to indicate a hand of above-average strength (although often misused or goes unnoticed). I was suspicious if he really meant it and so consulted the opponents in a private message:

will to opponents: pd has just reversed, do think he realises it?

opponent to will: probably not


I decided to ignore the reverse and ended up as declarer. Partner's hand went down and sure enough it wasn't a strong hand at all. I couldn't resist it:

will: typ just what i expected

opponent to will: you sarcastic bastard lol


Another game, another partner and this time she's mad at me for not overcalling the opponents:

partner: will you should have bid 1NT

will: i'm sorry but the laws of Bridge do not permit me to bid 1NT over their 2D


Then there were some opponents who got highly agitated when I didn't alert that my 1 bid could have been from a short suit. They were right of course but I got back by winding them up when I explained my response to partner's 1NT opening:

will to opponents: alert my 2 clubs is the stayman convention showing hearts or spades

will to opponents: or both


Lastly there was the time we'd just got a four together and started playing when someone joined the table and, presumably without bothering to look, automatically asked for a seat:

new player: n1?

will: sorry but we've decided to play with just four of us today


It happened again the other day. This time my response was:

will: i'm not sure which seat you have in mind

  
 
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